"What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose - for all that we love becomes part of us."
Five years ago, our lives were changed forever. I was 22 weeks pregnant with twins and things seemed to be going so well. On January 15, 2004, Devin Lee and Elizabeth Ann were born, much to early. We had to say good-bye almost as soon as we said hello. I never imagined after trying so long to have a child that we would have to say good-bye. No parent should have to bury their child at any age. I long to hold them again every day.
Time is an amazing healer. It's funny how in the early days I never thought I would feel again...would laugh again...wouldn't hurt...but somehow the days go by and it happens. I also remember feeling (and still do sometimes) that time is such a hard thing. Each day that passes is a day further away from the time I had with Devin and Elizabeth. It's like with any great loss - you will always carry the loss with you, but you find ways to build it into your life, not forget about it.
There is so much that I want to say, but I am not a very good writer. Some days I still feel anger over what happened and I certainly will always wonder why. I pray that I am able to share Devin and Elizabeth with Landon, Austin and Aiden as they grow in a way that they can understand how much we love all 5 of our children and how much they were all wanted. What a gift they all are to us.
As much as I miss Devin and Elizabeth, is as much as I am thankful for the 3 boys I have. I know I am blessed...there were many days that we wondered if we would ever have a baby to bring home. I look at my boys today and am just amazed at how I have been blessed. And I find comfort in knowing we have two precious angels watching over our family. I would give anything to have Devin and Elizabeth here with me...and yet I feel like I was meant to be Landon, Austin and Aiden's mom, too. I have no way of knowing what our life would "look like" had Devin and Elizabeth survived...but I have to trust that this was the plan. I will always question and wonder why....but I am also so thankful for all that I do have. And I will forever carry Devin and Elizabeth with me...my beautiful children.
I will forever miss you, Devin and Elizabeth. Know that no matter how many days, months, years pass by, you are never far from my thoughts. I will hold you in my heart until the day we meet again.
I love you, sweet babies!
Devin and Elizabeth
1 comment:
We don't know each other, but reading this post about your twin daughters hit so close to home that I had to leave a comment. I'm truly sorry for your loss... I can't help but shed some tears, knowing too well the pain of saying good-bye so early.
We lost our twin daughters last July. We have struggled for six years to get pregnant and they were our surprise miracles. Now, we're struggling to figure out what comes next for us. Anyway, I just want you to know that reading about your story and the other three boys who have since joined your family has given me a small glimmer of hope of a day ahead when our hearts will be healed and our dreams will come true.
- Megan (Mom to Elliana & Emmaline)
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